Air Travel – I just don’t get it?

I mean don’t get me wrong I love the thought of a vacation and a chance to just chill away from the daily grind. You look forward to maybe catching up with distant friends overseas or visiting a wonder of the world that’s still on that list of places to see before you die. In a flash it hits you that you have to board a plane and fly. That sinking feeling starts and hits your guts like a bad curry.

For those of us that realise that the trip will be in the section of the plane I always refer to as cattle class the fear starts to mount days out from actually even getting to the airport. What a warm cosy feeling it must be to know, that you will be flying business class or the stuff of dreams for most “First Class”. As much as I feel flying is overrated and wish it could be over in the time of a quick meal and a movie, at least if you get to stay at the front of the jet you can maybe start your holiday once seated.

Now being a in Perth Western Australia any trip overseas is at best 5 hours plus and if Europe is on the cards then its a stop maybe in Dubai or a long haul of around 19 hours to London. The nightmares start of crying kids, people who have not found that soap or deodorant exists or that passenger that thinks that the goal is to consume as much free alcohol as possible and harass the flight crew at any possible opportunity.

I always remember that scene in Fifth Element where Bruce Willis boards the aircraft and is put out for the flight in his cubicle looking accommodation. Id be happy to board, move to my cubicle and have a crew member say enjoy your flight and then out like a light. The next thing you know you is you are awake and its time to land. Don’t worry about a meal just give me discount on the ticket. There would be time for a drink of water and that’s it off.

Now having flown a lot over the last 20 years I fail to see much improvement overall in the experience. The food has somewhat improved and on some planes you now have in seat entertainment including a choice of movies and games unless you end up on plane like the Qantas jet I took to Japan this year which felt like being transported back in time with only the central drop down screens and nil, zero in seat entertainment other than radio and those irritating passengers that are on every flight.

I would like to say that the seats on those older planes with less in flight services are cheaper but sadly no, same cost. I think when you book and pay you should be able to see what the aircraft is and what you are getting for your money. But sadly its just turn up and you get what you get. Overall time in the air seems endless, the seats are still tight and feel like they are made from old boxes. The toilets are much the same and you never fell like things have changed over the last 10 – 20 years. I look at cars, TV’s, and music players like my beloved iPod and think how poor the whole flying experience is compared.

Now let’s set the scene for tonight’s flight to Dubai from Perth Australia. The flights at 11.30pm and check in starts at 10.30pm. It’s about 9.30pm and as usual I have not even packed. It’s only a short trip this time just under a week so I have made the monumental decision that a suitcase for check in is out and its carry on only. I strongly believe that the stress level of a passenger is in direct relation to the amount of luggage one carries. That old rule of lay out on the bed what you are going to take and then put most of it back and take about 1 third is about right. We all know that you never end up wearing all that stuff you pack in so neatly and there will always be places to buy something new anyway.

I’ve laid out the essentials like jocks and socks and a few t-shirts and now the toiletries. I’m sure some people take a whole chemist with them when they travel, but what with the new security laws which completely baffle me, one has to be careful what goes in the toiletry bag especially when its carry on. So I’ve decided no razor, nail clippers or anything that might allow me to take control of the flight. Now days everything liquid must go into one of those zip lock plastic lunch bags like a liquid lunch pack. Someone is making a lot of money out of these bags but that conspiracy theory can wait for another time. The last time I travelled they took my toothpaste as the tube was too big, I’m lost with all this stuff, and have decided that besides some moisturiser to help return my skin to something like human after being in a plane for half a day, some aftershave and yes hair product that’s it.

I’ve got my soft carry on and my briefcase which holds all the essentials, like the mobile, Ipod, digital camera, travelling docs, glasses and the latest copy of Top Gear magazine. I’ve decided to leave the laptop behind for this trip and as we are joined at the hip most days it’s a difficult decision but I’m sure ill survive. At least that’s one less adapter and cable to carry. On longer trips you have to these days carry so many cables to charge you digital life that taking clothes is an option. Quick question why can’t we all use the same plugs, is that another conspiracy? Thank god or apple which ever you prefer for the Ipod when it comes to air travel. Now having showered and dressed and the bags are packed it’s about 10pm and time to head off to the airport.

The next decision I had made was to drive to the airport instead of a taxi and park in the long term parking. From my city apartment it’s about $26 -$30 AUD one way and the parking for time away will be just over $40. At least in your own car you don’t have to make pointless conversation with anyone and you can listen to your iPod or favorite radio station. Food and drinks are allowed on the journey and if you need to part with any gas you can freely.

The roads at this time of night are quiet and relaxing so the 20 minute drive is easy. This brings us to the International terminal at Perth Airport which of late is experiencing parking problems. You see once a long time ago you could find a parking spot short easily within a short walk to the terminal. Now what with the long term parking and very little extra bays being provided, cars are scattered across the grass areas and everywhere in between. It’s become very difficult to find a place as the parking cost compared to the taxi cost has made people say ill just park and fly. They are currently redeveloping the parking but a multi story car park would have been a good idea long ago. So it’s an idea to bring water and a packed lunch in case your parking spot is a distant one.

Luckily my good deeds of late were rewarded with a bay close to the terminal, so it’s off to check in. It’s now 10.30pm and the que at check in is short and the process takes about 10mins. With my carry on bags only I head upstairs to customs and the departure gates. I always try to get to the airport in enough time to make sure I get on board without rushing too much. The experience of waiting around for hours to enjoy the facilities has never been an option, not in Perth anyway, but then again if you don’t mind being held for ransom for a bottle of water, a snack or possibly a quick beverage then rollup early. Let’s list some points including that the facilities are often under staffed, the toilets are dirty and an overall feeling of where are the cleaners at night bewilders me. Also its like you have entered an area cut off from the real world as the currency exchange rates offered are poor and as I said before food and drink prices are so far above normal its ridiculous. It’s like going to the cinema where they have you locked in and stiff you well and good.

I quickly fill in the departure card, why do we do this every time, still so much paper stuff, lets not go there that’s a whole other story. At customs I line up behind others who are getting on the Dubai flight and the Narita flight, its not to busy and after negotiating wandering kids with there toys, and people with so much carry on you wonder how they got in here its time to do the security and bag checks. Off with the belt and out with anything metal into the trays and walk through hoping for no buzz noises. All is well and I’m through to next section of this adventure, duty free shopping. The people in duty free shopping are funny like it’s the last stop for water or a chance to save a few dollars on a camera or a watch. These days the prices on most things don’t seem that big a bargain anymore. Now that you are here you can stock up the liquids in the litres and they don’t have to go in zip lock bags, well not yet anyway.

I resist the temptation of duty free and head to the gate where you guessed it you wait again for your boarding call. In most airports that have accepted it’s the 21st century they have Wi-Fi networks that are either free or have a small charge for the service and comfortable seating with large flat panel TV’s showing the latest news. But no unlike say Singapore or Hong Kong there is not even enough seats for half the people. Now you start to think which of these people are going to be sitting next to me?

After what seemed an eternity they called us for boarding and as usual people with kids, business and first class passengers moved to the entry gate. Next they board people by row but most people just ignore this and board anyway regardless of their row number like if they don’t rush they won’t get a seat. My suspicion is that it’s the ones with half a house in carry on are worried they wont get an overhead space near their seat and two each side if they don’t hurry.

As you head down the tunnel to the plane you think please no smelly people next to me and as much as I love kids the thought of 10 hours plus of screaming and crying well, no thanks. I mean it’s not the kids fault and why there is not a section of the plane with facilities that is closed off with sound deadening curtains is beyond me. Most people think the same I suspect but you can’t say that can you? I mean is it so wrong to just want to get on board, be treated with modern levels of comfort and have people just act like a normal human beings for the time in the air.

I grab a copy of the local rag and head in, to the left is “My life has turned out fantastic” First class and to the right as I make my way through it’s “my life is pretty good” Business Class and you see those big seats and actual legroom, wow its like another world. Most are heading into “this is all I can afford, so just smile” cattle class.

I find my seat and place my bags in an empty overhead and sit down in anticipation of what lays ahead. Luckily the flight is not full so I end up with a couple of seats so that’s a good start and without much delay its up and away after the usual safety stuff.

By the time we level out and you can move about the cabin, people are already trying to get those free drinks and anything else that is free for that matter. Id be happy with a knock out shot for next 10hrs. Next comes the food and snacks which I must say is not bad these days and when you are not crammed in a like a sardine you can actually eat without knocking elbows and hoping the person next to you doesn’t spill crap everywhere. It always amazes me that no matter to time of day or night people get stuck into what ever is on offer and get some value for their ticket. On the subject of eating they give you metal cutlery but you can’t have nail clippers, I don’t get that either.

Luckily this plane has the full in seat entertainment so it’s a few movies, then some time on the Ipod and the hope that the time will pass quickly. Id like to sleep more on the planes but the seats are not that comfortable and yes I do snore a little I’m told so I try to just light sleep. Some people well they snore there heads off, pass gas never ending and stick body parts into the walkways of the plane. This is a free tip, if you have smelly feet just leave your shoes or use the socks they provide for you. Using a mask or eye shade is a good idea as there is always someone who has to have the reading light on for the whole flight.

I guess those who like air travel also don’t mind public transport but I try to just get in and out without making anyone’s life more difficult. I like my space and find it annoying when people don’t have the courtesy to respect that. The rest of the flight was ok and now we were just 30 minutes from landing in Dubai. The crew were cool and seeing what they deal with sometimes it’s amazing they keep smiling.

The wheels touch the tarmac and we have arrived and a sense of relief washes over you realise you will be off the plane soon. Of late Dubai airport because of the construction of a new terminal and the shear size of the place the plane seemed to taxi for ever before coming to a stop. We then had the pleasure of exiting via stairs down to a shuttle bus. The shuttle bus took well over 15 minutes to reach the arrivals hall and in that time arrival messages played repeatedly.

Now into the arrivals hall and as you turn to see the customs counters and the size of the que’s, you just take a deep breathe and think oh what joy. As Dubai is at this time a 24 hour construction site no matter where you look there seems endless streams of foreign workers heading in to handle the construction. I had the misfortune of being behind a few Indian workers who you guessed it, did not have their papers in order. They should have separate lines for tourists who are organised, one for workers and one for the tossers who are just trouble. After 1 hour in line I made my way to the exit gate as I did not have any luggage to collect. Now the next joy of getting a taxi and standing in a que again, which is common here and as the stand is out of the air conditioning its pure joy after such a long flight.

The worst is over and as I sit back in the seat of the taxi I realise that we were probably lucky to land as the fog was so thick I could not see 10 feet in front. That did not seem to faze the taxi driver who never lifted his foot from the accelerator. He was using the force obviously and so I put my faith in him that id arrive at my destination alive and in one piece. My destination in the city is amongst the skyscrapers of glass and never ending dust from the construction. It’s warm here even though it’s only early morning and the reason for my trip is nearly upon me. I make my way into the foyer and I’m met by a warm embrace, a kiss and all seems well. Also that’s not the porter in case you are wondering.

So in conclusion air travel is an interesting but yet over rated experience for the masses and with the ever increasing amounts of people circling the globe airports are getting busier and the que’s just seem to get longer. Just cross your fingers and hope that your flight is on time, your luggage arrives along with a smooth flight and that you arrive safely in one piece. With all the technology today I hope that in the next 10 years the flying experience will improve for all and not just for those at the front of the plane.

It’s time for a sleep and then more flights before returning home next week. Just the jet lag and possible nausea or flu symptoms that seem to go along with air travel these days to look forward to.

Tags: airline, Travel